Tomato Soup and my Great Escape.

First let me say it’s extremely important you take time for yourself if you are a caregiver. Under normal circumstances it can be so daunting, depressing, and draining. The three D’s they should call it. These days add in the stress of the election, political volatility and all the negative news, a Pandemic which further complicates care giving or worse- your parent is in a care home where you can not care give or visit, and what you have is a recipe for exhaustion, fatigue and depression.

There are some great articles out there that deal with this topic so I won’t belabor it.

https://www.caregiver.org/taking-care-you-self-care-family-caregivers is a good place to start. There are many very well written articles on this topic. Please do some research. Reach out to friends and family and ask for help.

Being over worked, stressed , tired all those things will cause you to loose patience more quickly, and can lead to mix ups with medications , or appointments, or just put a damper on visits. It’s okay to tell your parents you need a break. Trust me there were times when we kids were enough to drive our parents over the edge and they slipped out for an evening without us.

This past week despite the pandemic I took a break and headed out of town for three days. I asked my sister to be the daily caller. Yeh she is 900 miles away but she can call and check in and then call me if anything terrible is happening. I also contacted two neighbors and let them know I was going out of town and could they check on my parents and they did. For my parents part while they both wished me a relaxing and nice time they did lay on the guilt a bit, telling me how much they would miss me, and how lonely it would be.

My father was more worried about who would get their groceries . I assured him they had enough food to last the three days I would be gone, but should they need something the neighbor would get it for them. Per his usual way he waited for me to get a few miles out of town and called needing ice cream. I informed him it would wait til I got back. No one I had known starved to death for lack of ice cream. He tends to get stuck on a particular food or topic and not be able to let it go.

I had a lovely time, walked the beaches and enjoyed the company of a friend. We ate mostly at our rental and avoided crowds and were as safe as we could be knowing I would return to my parents. We were lucky and found that there were no crowds, and that we could walk the neighborhood or beach without interaction with others. I Still phoned a couple of times, but mostly to tell them about my day I avoided asking them any leading questions about how they were doing ( my sister was keeping me informed) . I know from experience a great day can be ruined quickly when one of them tells me about a sore foot, or a headache or some perceived worry , I drop everything to deal with it and find they have forgotten what it was they had me worried about. I knew they were healthy well fed and safe .

I was also only 2 hours away so I knew I could get home should I need to. It was my great escape. It was well deserved and I enjoyed it thoroughly. Though now I am battling a bit of depression because you so quickly get thrown back into the routine – nothing really get ‘s done until you return, and you know it’s all there waiting for you.

So today was grocery catch up day. Additionally my father had found a recipe in a magazine for homemade tomato soup. Now I don’t know why he can not open a can of soup. He has can’s of soup, but he never opens them to heat up with their sandwich when I am not there. He has multiple kinds, from the basics tomato , chicken noodle, to frozen soup I have made vegetable, chicken noodle, meatball soup. He is convinced he should cook. Even when I tell him that really with the conveniences available there is no reason to cook anything too complicated that there are short cuts for most things. He was stuck on making this particular soup. I guess it just sounded good to him.

We have had some kitchen fails – steak and eggs ( this is hard because over cook the steak and you get eggs and leather) , same result with baked chicken. It was fine once the next time I turned up the heat to do it faster ( more leather). He has made cobbler, pudding, and macaroni salad with some success. He has also made spaghetti, with canned sauce, frozen meatballs and pasta.

My mom will not eat anything he makes, but he is certain he is going to cook something that she will eat and he will have accomplished something. She refuses. No matter what it is. I made macaroni salad at their house with him. Made it exactly as I would make it but because he made it she would not try it. Yet she eats two helpings of the same exact recipe that is made in my house. She is worried he will leave the stove on, won’t clean up or will under cook something and give them food poisoning – despite that fact he is more apt to choke them making leather like meat never undercooked.

So I told him upon my return we would make soup. It was simple enough. So after we ate lunch ( not for lunch because mom was pacing saying she wanted to eat. ) We set about making soup.

The recipe was for a huge amount. For some reason he has no concept of how much things are in volume. I explained that 64 oz of soup was more than he could eat in a month. So we needed to cut the recipe. I wrote it down for him as I cut the recipe. We added a little too much sugar and to me it was too sweet. I think without the additional sugar it would have been okay. If you want it from scratch it’s a great way to make it and you control the sodium – though tomato juice has plenty of sodium in it as well. (see recipe below).

As we were doing it though I realized that he is not going to remember any of it and will likely not make it again – he just likes the idea of cooking, he wants some variety and he wants me to spend time with him showing him how to do it.

Most of his days look exactly the same. He get’s up, he get’s mom up, they eat breakfast, he putters in the yard, ( if she is not too anxious) and then they eat lunch. Once a week they go to the drive through at Wendy’s . The rest of the time if I am not coming over his life is very two dimensional. It’s hard on him. I know that, and his lack of compassion for mom at times irks me, I get angry at him and scold him. The truth is though he can’t run away. He does not get a break. Even if I offered to let him go for a few days and I stayed with her – he would not do it. I have encouraged him to go to senior center etc. But he won’t his only diversion is me, or the neighbor .

So I suppose making ‘meh’ tomato soup is a small price to pay for his sanity. The truth is if mom passes before him he would cook more. At least he will be able to make a few things for himself.

I am working on getting him use to outside help. Hoping that having someone come in to do some cleaning will enable him to take more time for himself. Mom of course hates it, but like most things she will begrudgingly put up with it after a while. The next step will be to get someone who can help mom with daily things – perhaps giving him a break from the task of always being the nag about showers, or laundry or changing clothes. All of which are a battle.

Next week I am going to make it my goal to find something we can make together that is not quite so unexciting – but still easy. Suggestions?

The Basics – Tomato Soup ( google the recipe for the full volume) I cut it by 4

1 tablespoon of butter

1 tablespoon of flour

pinch of garlic/onion powder

pinch of curry powder

Melt butter and stir in flower in the pan with spices -making a roux – I did take the time to explain to Dad what we were doing that we were making a paste to thicken the soup.

Then add – 2 cups of tomato juice and 1 tbls of sugar.

Bring to slow boil and thicken.

That’s it . The whole thing. It’s not likely to win you any competition but if your looking for something to warm you up it will do the trick. I would have added a little heat to it ( tabasco) or something but I try to keep things simple and bland for them. Besides in this case it was not the soup he wanted but the companionship.

Sickness as a Weakness

Are our parents ignoring signs of seniors illness because they believe being sick is a weakness? That they should always just walk it off?

We have all been watching the news about the President having Covid, whether you are a supporter or not there has been much talk about recoveries, and how not wanting to be seen as sick is a mantra that can be dangerous for all. There have been claims that the WH hid information about the level of severity of the illness because it would give the appearance of weakness if he was sick.

I don’t find any of those accusations terribly mystifying given there is an entire generation of American’s that equate illness of any kind with weakness. I think some of it is generational. We all have stereotypes in mind of retirement communities where folks compare who they have read about in the obituaries, and their most recent ailments. Old folks complaining about corns, or arthritis, etc. These however area normal aging things , those that they choose to speak about . What they are are not talking about is memory diseases, cancer, or Covid.

For years my mom struggled with arthritis pain. I mean struggled. She had both hips and both knees replaced. She was treated for uterine cancer, she went through radiation and treatment without ever once complaining. She has had shingles, a debilitating and painful disease. Throughout it all she always love to tell people that the best cure was work. That she did not take Tylenol even after her surgeries ( truth is once they put her on morphine in the hospital and I received a panicked call from my father to come to hospital because she was hallucinating) . She prided herself on never allowing a sickness to get her down.

When she became ill 4-5 years ago it all started with bronchitis. She got sick and could not shake it. The Doctor prescribed antibiotics and she called me while I was on a vacation to ask me if I had read the patient information sheet for them. I had. She was not taking them because they could be worse than the disease. It was the first sign that she was slipping. I can not even begin to tell you how upset she was going round and round about the medication. She did not sound like herself. I was 900 miles away and had not clue.

I eventually turned around from my vacation after contacting her doctor and getting her in for testing.

It would be the beginning of this long journey.

My point in all this is that I had listened for so long to my mother saying she was fine, she was never sick, she never stopped working, she never took medications that when she was really ill I completely missed it. I kept thinking she would bounce back. Call me and tell me she was weeding the garden, or cleaning the garage.

This week my dad has had a problem with his leg aching. He often get’s gout so I suggested he take his gout medicine, and keep the leg elevated and if it was still bothering him on Monday to make appt. I suggested he take a tylenol or advil for the pain and he refused. It will work itself out he said.

When I was there this week I mentioned to dad that mom always had a stuffy nose and how this was often a symptom of dementia types, Lewy’s Body and Alzheimer’s and other types. I mentioned this because I wanted to remind him that she is not being contrary to be contrary, she is not being difficult to be difficult that she is ill and she can not help it. He truly believes she should walk it off. That one day she will wake up and be herself again. I try remind him directly but gently that her brain is damaged – it is not working correctly and the changes that annoy him, ” she won’t dust” , “she won’t do laundry” , are just who she is now. My mother did everything for 75 years. I mean everything, paid bills, invested their money, chose their insurance, cleaned house and cut the sections in my dad’s grapefruit. Now she can not .

Neither of them believe they can be really sick. They believe that shear will will cure you. They believe that being sick is a sign of weakness and I something to be embarrassed about. They will see doctors , and most often do what the doctor says, but only if pushed or if they are so scared they might die ( my dad had to have a pacemaker this year – he had ignored his heart after warnings from his doctor and was trying to prove he could do push ups when his heart rate dropped into the teens) . AND still he does what they told him not to .

This weekend pushed by all the news of sickness and annoyed at the press and the world in general I got really upset with Dad when he was marching about with sore leg and breathing heavy and said “stop it” you are only proving that you are a selfish human being not that you are infallible. You are proving you don’t give a shit about what happens to mom because if something happens to you then what? I was so angry I had to excuse myself and go outside.

After calming down I tried to talk to him. Honestly I don’t believe he heard a word I said. He was more upset mom had forgotten how to make Rice pudding than he was that he had just repeated and activiity that had landed him the hospital during a pandemic. I gave up .

Their refusal to discuss mom’s illness or to be real about their aging bodies is my biggest challenge. My father told he me does not plan on dying. I said “the graveyard was full of folks who did not plan on dying.”

It should be said my father is very Democrat and when he continued the other day to tell me how he was as strong as a horse and mom should just stop doing what she was doing I reminded him that the man he complains about all the time acts exactly like he does. I don’t think that landed very well.

There is a generation of American’s that refuse to take their health seriously , their children imploring them to eat better, or to stop climbing ladders after having balance issues, imploring their parents to seek attention when their memory or actions are unusual. We have to remind ourselves that there’s is the generation that believed in mind over matter, and the power of positive thinking, and the idea that if you put mentally ill people in a hospital and make them work it would cure them. Truth is sometimes it helps to refocus on something other than an ache or a pain or a small illness. It does not however cure you. They do not hand out awards at the pearly gates for those who took the least amount of aspirin in their life.

I say all this as I reluctantly make my yearly check up appointment. I have some health issues I do not discuss and often ignore. I am determined not to be that generation . Not to push off what I can deal with. But I will admit it’s a struggle.

I don’t know that I will ever get Dad to understand that mom is not being ‘lazy’ or weak. OR that I will get him to take his own health seriously. I can however do what I can do. In the end as I told him,,, well we all have to die from something.

My warning dear friends is if you see something that feel not right about your parents health. Try to convince them to get help. Try to convince them to seek attention. When explaining illness to them, whether it be a memory disorder or physicall complaint. Explain it them multiple times.

Other tips and tricks ( And some are tricks)

I read all medication inserts for my parents – I ask about interactions with other drugs. I do not let my mother have the inserts because she will focus on the .001% chance of it killing her.

I do however try to keep her from taking any medication that is not improving the quality of her life with her doctors help. She was on 9 medicines when this all started to happen she is now on 2 .

When explaining to my father about her limitations I remind myself he too has cognitive limitations. I try to use analogies that apply to him. ( Mom has a broken thermostat ) he complains about her always being cold or hot, etc.

I push until there is no more pushing. I will not have screaming matches with my parents. I will not treat them like they are children. I tell them what I think , then if I need to I walk away , I will likely tell them again. I try not to make it a battle of wills. ( I don’t always succeed)

Tell them, walk away, Tell them again.

Eventually it may help.

If you parents have reached a point where they are unsafe, multiple falls, risky behavior beyond (walk it off mentality) , reach out to their Doctor and their other care givers and get help. There are systems in place that can help you. Sometimes and outsider can reach them. Sometimes it’s as simple as not wanting to take orders from their child.

You can also get social services involved in extreme cases. If you think a parent is raging, or dangerous, or is a wanderer, get help , keep asking until you get help. Do not ignore it.

Other Safety Concerns?

Home Again and the Real World Crashes in.

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

My mom has had mixed diagnosis. The general consensus is that it’s likely mental illness (depression and anxiety) exacerbated by Vascular Dementia. When she first became ill we thought perhaps it was Lewys but her hallucinations have dissipated and she now has unrealistic worries, and does sometimes become paranoid but overall it it primarily the anxiety and depression that is the worst.

Here is the thing though – she knows it’s happening and that is the crux of the problem. Because she can not organize her thoughts, and everything seems insurmountable to her she becomes anxious and depressed. There is a part of me that wishes she was completely unaware of the way her brain is malfunctioning. She told me today – that she can not think straight, that all things are mixed up and she is fighting it. I can see it in her face, the lines of worry the scrunched up brow, she wants to make heads and tails of every thing that’s going on and can’t . So she rocks and says “I just don’t know what we are going to do”.

Before this – she had a plan – a plan that included hiring someone when the time came to help her and Dad but now they are both resistant to it. At some point it will have to happen but for now I am managing.

Today there was some banking being done, Dad had me fill out the paperwork with him and I applauded that he ask me to help rather than struggle with it. He called in a panic yesterday because he had started to read the forms and could not make sense of them. This happens more and more to him. The constant worry and care he is giving mom has broken him as well and I believe he too is suffering from cognitive deficits. His presents with angry outburst , mad at everyone. Truth is he is mad at himself and he too knows it’s happening. Any time we have to do paperwork, my mother goes into a tail spin, she is certain something will be done wrong, and they will have tax liabilities ( she knows this is a thing taxes and she knows she can not understand them) She is worried that the bank will screw something up she worries that they will lose it all . It took me 20 minutes to talk to the investment folks and get he paper work filled out correctly. It took me 2 hours to talk my mother into taking a seat and letting me worry about it rather than pacing about and commenting on how messed up it all was. ( Surely this is not good for self confidence – as if she thinks I too am incapable) She will often say your father thinks he knows what he is doing but he does not.

This is the level of confusion and anxiety they have though-

1. Signing and filling out forms has to be done one line at a time. Slowly reading it several times. They will often ask 20 minutes later if it they did it right.
2. Getting an express mail envelope from post office became such a now what do we ask for, and who do we ask ordeal that I just went to post and did it. And even then – when I said just take it to the post and pay them , they seemed confused so I said seal it and I will drive back and get it and mail it. Simple task with multiple steps are too overwhelming.
3. The bank locally directed them to a larger branch for the signing. I told them I could go with them if they scheduled it here and there – but NOT this time. They scheduled it for that time. So it was easier for me to arrange it.

Each one of those steps required me to speak on the phone on their behalf which means giving the person on the phone their permission. I have POA but this in itself is complicated it must be filed ( it is) , and it must be presented to each person you are dealing with so it’s easier to get them to verbally approve. It took 4 hours today to do something that should have taken 30 minutes. That’s no big deal I get that things take more time, but by the time I got home a new crisis had occured.

My phone was ringing as I walked in the house . It takes me 1 hour and 10 minutes to get home. He started the call – “I have a big problem. “

The neighbor brought food. The neighbor has shared left over ‘school’ lunch food with them. ( prepared lunches for students) . There are several cups of peas and carrots. My father panicked – what will we do with all these peas and carrots and chocolate milk cartons .

The big problem was peas and carrots. Not the banking, not the paper work but Peas and Carrots and chocolate milk.

We walked through how to bag the peas and carrots and put in the freezer – and I said either drink the milk or save it for me. BIG problem solved.

The funny thing is that he had completely forgot about how upset he was over the banking issues. That was gone.

So guess if I want pea’s ‘ until Thursday when we finish his paperwork I should be thankful for peas and carrots distracting him.

Did I mention we are selling my inlaws home at the same time? And I am still looking for a job since being layed off.. Probably not.

I do love peas and carrots and Chocolate milk. ( My mother was in the background saying – Oh lord what will we do with all these peas and carrots) .

It took everything I had not tell her to quit complaining there are starving children who would love them. The old mom would have made peas and carrot pie.

Finding ways to find humor is my new part time job. I had to laugh at the worry over extra food. It diverted from the other issues that I know are looming. I will need to pay closer attention to the mail when I visit and offer to take over some of the bill paying.

The time is coming when they will not get a vote about having help in the home. I will put it off as long as they are safe. I have neighbors who check in on them each day. They still do their laundry heat up food in the microwave prepared ahead and do dishes. That’s more than most college kids can do.

I keep laying the ground work and explaining it’s coming. I know it’s soon . The whole point of their scrimping and saving all those years was just this moment. Keep them at home as long as they can. But at the end of the day – one of them will fall, or get hurt or sick and that decision will no longer be theres and that moment is scary like a freight train.

Vascular dementia

The second most common type of dementia is vascular dementia. It’s caused by a lack of blood flow to the brain. Vascular dementia can happen as you age and can be related to atherosclerotic disease or stroke.

Symptoms of vascular dementia can appear slowly or suddenly, depending on what’s causing it. Confusion and disorientation are common early signs. Later on, people also have trouble completing tasks or concentrating for long periods of time.

Vascular dementia can cause vision problems and sometimes hallucinations as well.

Hotels

Hotels fascinate me. Walk for just a while in the lobby or the outdoor areas and without much effort you can see every facet if the society around you. A group of lineman drinking beer an the back of a truck, a woman in what is surely a formal dress bridesmaid maybe in sneakers weaves on her feet as she waits to check in, a sunburned family with pool floats and children leaning heavy onthereblegs, and overheard an adoption meeting mother and daughter, last weary travellers if all ages and at a corner table a group of business suits and laptops. So many stories under one roof.

At the end of the hall a mom throwing together a birthday party for a child .Is she somehow living here and just trying to make it all seem normal? The place is full. Have we all have just grown So tired of a pandemic we have escaped just to change the scenery. The parking lot would be a treasure trove for kids who are hunting license plates I saw 10 states in two minutes.

Most of the places we have stopped there have been crowds most wearing mask. Which again surprises me. You hear so much dissent you expect no one will comply. I am amazed at the landscape of faces all half covered. We are a resilient group we humans.

I have to wonder what mom would think. She would be nervous for sure. Of course I can barely get her to go outside to the mail. So no worries the crazy world of masked hotel occupants will scare her.

I am shocked how busy the world is. I am washing my hands like a speed freak with ocd and others are drinking beers and leaning in to whisper to a stranger. It is a strange world to navigate. But I am happy to be in it not at home for a short time.

The weather is crisp and lends itself to the clusters of people in the outdoor spaces. It’s bonfire weather. Time for stories and drinking and laughing too loud. I am not sure when I will be ready to navigate that part of the world again. For now I am to be a masked observer keeping my distance. I am reminded though as I walk that this weather these rolling hills this season would have given old mom joy. She would have been smiling all day.

Wytheville Virginia

Road trip

So we are taking a road trip mostly because we have been two places since the pandemic started my partner nts and his parents. In the past four years we have planned about four vacations and when each approached someone fell or got sick or had some other emergency. This time we planned small one night only. We managed to get to the highway so lets call it a success so far.

Caregiving complicates travel. There is the need for caregivers and emergency backups and in our case we must choose to pack up three dogs and all the gear they need or also find care for them. Traveling with dogs is like travelling with toddlers there own beds special food and potty stops. We always are happy to have them with us but they can make things a little complicated.

We are at a good place at the moment everyone is healthy and maintaining somdewpite the virus we are venturing out. Making time to do something we enjoy. It’s ironic that for most when they retire and can finally start traveling and pursuing hobbies it is also most likely to be the time they are care giving for parents.

We are headed to west Virginia to look for pottery and explore some back roads here’s hoping for a day full of normalcy and no excitement that we don’t choose.

Food for thought

The biggest challenge I face and other folks say the same thing when caring for elderly is finding food that my parents like and will eat that is easy to prepare, nutritious and fast. My father does not cook to speak of . In recent months I have taught him to make macaroni and like all things he get’s obsessed so he makes 1.5 cups ( exactly) of macaroni a couple of times of week = to this he can add mayonnaise, celery, relish and have salad- he can add frozen meatballs and sauce and have spaghetti. I do not encourage him to cook any meat from raw – as he either burns it or eats it raw. In fact I try to keep it as simple as possible 3 ingredients 5 tops. Once he decides he likes something he begins using it in everything. One night he told me he had honey mustard dressing ( also a favorite) on pasta. That’s it. I could see it in my head , elbow macaroni swimming in a neon yellow dressing. Scary.

Dad will likely try anything I take him, frozen bowls meals with multiple ingredients are well rounded. I have stopped worrying about salt and sugar in these meals. He is nearly 90. Screw it be brave dad eat all that processed food you want. I take a meal 2x a week and often take something I have made to freeze as well so there are choices for healthier versions. I have switched to turkey for him over ground beef as he get’s gout. I precook turkey burgers and bag them one at a time in a ziploc for him so all he has to do is heat them up. I make turkey meatballs with a faux white sauce ( cream of chicken low sodium and milk) and put them over egg noodles. I make a sweet and sour chicken and rice for him as well. But mom – mom is a challenge. She was eating the meals I prepared and froze now she has started to say no to those. She will however eat whatever I bring on the days I am there and I eat with her.

EVERY meal she has the following macaroni salad, loaded with salad dressing, and mayonnaise ( I mix the two ) , eggs, celery, and sometimes small bits of pickle or carrot. She eats 4 deviled eggs. YES 4 . She will eat a protein if I take it albeit small amounts, hamburger patties, chicken thighs ( broiled simply with thyme) , sometimes chicken and noodles and she always has a slice of lemon cake. This must be Muffin Mam lemon cream cake. She will eat but tells me it is not good any other brand including home made.

So two times a week I cram in a lot of fat and calories. The downside is that I have to eat with them and if I ever see deviled eggs or macaroni salad again I might scream. I am so tired of it. I remember when kids are young they go through these phases of only eating white food, or only eating hot dogs, and you just go with it. If they are eating, gaining weight and healthy the doctors say continue to encourage new foods, but don’t let that be the battle of the day. For meals that I am not there she eats bologna, chicken sandwiches- sometimes with lettuce, sometimes with left over salad I have brought, or a bowl of soup. She maintains her weight but never gains and I know sometimes drops a pound or two a risk for her as she weighs less than 90 lbs.

I was arguing with her but now I have moved to the bargaining phase. Eat my lunch and you can have bologna for dinner. Or eat the bologna but also have a single serving cup of green beans. For breakfast she eats half a banana and a bowl of cinnamon life cereal. EVERY day. I encourage her to eat sandwiches only one meal then eat soup or something else for the other meal. Sometimes it works, sometimes it does not.

For most of us this repeated diet would drive us nuts but I have learned that that’s exactly what she wants. She wants things to be stable in her world. She wants her world to be exactly as she expects it any change any upset is what causes her to spin into the realm of pacing and mumbling. Change is the enemy. Having an appointment on Friday is sure to make her fret and be frozen with fear from Monday on.

For example when I arrive with groceries she always says the same thing

1. Too much food ( it’s never too much) it will waste.
2. What do I do. ( help me put it away mom)
3. What do we eat on? ( Paper plates are fine mom)
4. When meal is over what do we do? ( Let’s get your apron and do the dishes mom)
5. During the meal if she is having a good day she sits, if not she eats standing up rocking.

It is the exact same thing every time. Every time I reassure her, every time I direct her. Set the table, get the silverware, get the plates, clear the table, place this in refrigerator. Yes I could do all these things, but I think it’s important to keep her busy even if that means telling her step by step what to do.

Normalcy, routine, is our friend. Change is the enemy. In this world we are in right now where things change every minute, that’s much harder to fill than it ever was before.

Todays grocery list –

Pudding cups Tapioca please ( though it took 5 minutes to get that word- you know the lumpy kind of pudding)

Bananas ( no bruised ones please)

Dressing – for lettuce ( you don’t have lettuce ) Oh then get lettuce

And Cake. Lemon Cake.

What tips or tricks are other’s using to get their parents to eat?

My preferred lunch – salad – NOT with macaroni or mayonnaise.

Added bonus for quick deviled eggs never boil them again – Use your instant pot. I set it on low pressure, 12 – 13 minutes place 6 eggs on trivet with water covering the bottom. Lock and load. I never have a hard time pealing them, I rarely have one crack. I always make 2 extra ( more than I want for deviled eggs) I use the whites cooked in salad, and the extra yolks to make the filling for the deviled eggs. That way I always have extra ‘goop’ to fill he eggs well and never have that one egg with a quarter of a dollop.

And the rain

We have had unprecedented rainfall this year leaving our lawns ever growing but too muddy to mow. For the first time in months our temperatures are long sleeve worthy. Mom does not do temperature shifts well. This is common with the elderly it’s like there thermostats don’t work. Always too hot or too cold for her while dad seems almost insensitive to heat and has to be reminded . It is a battle of the thermostat for sure. For now though I am banking on using the break in the rain as something to be thankful for . A focal point to help mom skip the worry groove in her record . I wonder if others fight these same things getting their parents to move off of whatever the current obsession is ?

Finally a break in the rain

I

Sally is here

Today has been a strange day with rain most of the day now that I am afloat with no normal schedule i find days of unending rain leave me feeling particularly at odds. For one thing weather is a constant worry for mom. She worries the power will go out that their home will flood and that we will all run off the road in a raging storm. Anxiety is the only constant in her life. She was a woman of control in the past she planned everything bad weather coming she filled milk jugs with water, flashlights stationed at every bed and seat,frozen water and food and meals galore prepared. During hurricanes they cut and number plywood to install over windows and not stick lay in the two acres of yard. Now my father has neither the motivation or cognitive skills and mom is trapped in her feeling something should be done but not a lye what that is. I liken it to this perpetual feeling that the other shoe will drop but not knowing where that shoe even is. So she stays in this constant state of panic.

I don’t know how to help her except to remind her that this is just a remnant of a storm and will soon pass. I promise her tomorrow will be better and say I am sorry you are feeling so worried. She repeats over and over I don’t know what to do. If you ask her about what ,she says “every thing”. I can not imagine what it is like to live in her mind. Meanwhile dad grows belligerent and will go outside in bad weather just because she has

Asked him not too. It’s his way like a child.

These moments are frustrating I don’t have answers I find my patience with the cyclic behavior grows thin and I quietly reassure her one more time then make an excuse to get off the phone. I wish the rain was a comfort to her just breathe and listen to the rain. Tomorrow is another day.

If you are in the south and in Hurricane season you can only do so much as nature has taught us especially this year that we are at her mercy. That is much like the disease that ravages my moms brain I am at it’s mercy and so is she

The crazy train

This is suppose to be a way for me to share caring for my parents and navigating my increasingly crazy world. Crazy because we all are in crazy town now Covid 19 the current political climate and for me the added adventure of a parent with dementia, a newly retired husband and getting laid off. It could be the quietest time in ,pay life no where to go no work stress and instead it’s crazy town USA .

In the last 4 years my life has changed more than it has in most of my adult life and coping with it has been the biggest challenge of my life. Maybe the mistakes I have made will help someone else or maybe they will give you a laugh or a cry .

The quote below is random generated by WordPress and yet its appropriate . Welcome.

Good company in a journey makes the way seem shorter. — Izaak Walton